why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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