your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
