Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
