It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
