your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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