im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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