Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
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