I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Found the puke drawer
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
