Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
