mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
