no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
