Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I just made out with a guy for $7.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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