My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You may now shotgun with the bride
We don't watch enough power rangers
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Randomize
