woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
