My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
