You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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