Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
