got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
