9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize