is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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