you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
