tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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