I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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