I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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