Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
