Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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