and you said cock pushups were impossible
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I pour the whiskey from now on
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
