standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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