I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
