You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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