you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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