I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
