i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
