To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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