Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
