I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
