I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
