We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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