Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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