new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
