Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
