I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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