how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
