i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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