i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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