MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
