STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
So much Jack, so little girl.
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