Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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