he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Randomize
