Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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