But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
