someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
he fucked my hip out of place.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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