Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
