id be glad to
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
We need to rekindle our bromance
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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