i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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