He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
