I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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