I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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