I hate your face
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
