so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
