people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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