I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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