Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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