What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
