good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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