i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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