hotel room ftw
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
