How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
