apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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