how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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