If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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