Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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