Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
