tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
