I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
