I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
