That's intense
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
