They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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