I am in a vortex of obligation.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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