Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
