i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
