now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
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