I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I believe in your delicious
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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